Mind Matters: Relationships with Teens Wendy Jameson, Success Coach Recently I had the opportunity to do something I never thought I would do – go shopping for a dress with my son’s prom date. While excited at being included as “one of the girls” (like most teenage girls, his date travels with a pack), strange thoughts and emotions have overtaken me. For one, I was concerned about what my son might think and whether he would dislike my involvement, seeing it perhaps as interference. Yet my fears went further back than the invitation to go shopping. While chatting with these same girls at a track meet, I actively encouraged one, an older girl that I like, to ask my son to the prom. It seemed like a great idea, since I wanted him to have a full high school experience, and he’s pretty shy, so he tends to avoid dating and dances. He would not go if not prodded, I knew for certain. Later, my fear that I overstepped my bounds kept me awake through the night, replaying the conversation in my head to reassure myself that I hadn’t said anything that would upset or offend my son. Was I inadvertently suggesting he wanted to go out with her? What if he didn’t want to go at all? Did I put him into a situation for which he wasn’t prepared and would resent me? Yikes! Relationships with teens, even strong ones, can be as delicate as blown glass when it comes to discussing the opposite sex. Or dancing. Fortunately, it all worked out quite well, and while he knew I was involved, the situation opened up opportunities to talk that would not otherwise have been available. I was deeply moved, for example, when he came to me later that evening looking for help on how to respond to a text his date had sent (I recommended calling back, but he said with texting he can think about his answer first). We discussed whether he has romantic leanings, what that means (either way) and played out different ways of texting back to her. More than the content of what happened, though, was the joy I felt at the process of sharing with my son and feeling as though I am helping him grow. I felt like he valued my opinion. These little conversations are what build trust among us and enjoin our lives, but they only come when we have created opportunities for them. We have often heard it said that it is not the quantity, but quality of time spent with our children. While that’s true, sometimes you have to put in long hours just being together to obtain a single “coachable” moment. In other words, you have to shuck a lot of oysters to find a good pearl. I guess that’s what makes finding the pearl that much more enjoyable. Wendy Jameson, MA, is a business coach, writer, marketing and management consultant, entrepreneur, web designer/strategist/manager, and has been an art teacher and family therapist. She lives in Gilbert with her husband, two boys and two Labrador retrievers. Contact her at wendy@potentiate.net.