Mind Matters: The Four Agreements Wendy Jameson, Success Coach

Some time ago I wrote an article about a little book that had a profound effect on my life, The Four Agreements. In my article I told my readers what the book is all about – a practical guide to personal freedom – and what the four agreements were: simple concepts which are exceedingly difficult to put into practice.

Today I’d like to re-introduce the book, shedding more light on each of the concepts.

Be impeccable with your word. “The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events of your life… But like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you.”

Being impeccable with your word means you take care in what you say, how you say it, when and where you say it. When you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself. You choose your words well and say only what you mean. You acknowledge that your words can have a life of their own, and accept there may be consequences for them.

The remaining three are derivatives of the first agreement.

Don’t take anything personally. “Nothing other people do is because of you… All people live in their own dream, in their own mind… What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds.”

So to take things personally is truly an act of selfishness, of believing that someone else’s world has anything to do with you. It doesn’t. It’s not about you, but if you believe what they say about you, you eat their poison, and it becomes yours. Listen to feedback, but check it against what you know about yourself. What others do or say is based on their experiences, their bias, so recognize it for what it is: their opinion, not “the truth”.

Don’t make assumptions. “The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth…We only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear.” I believe we see and hear what we want or expect to see or hear.

Each person is speaking from his or her own world in his or her own way. We receive that information through our own filters. If you do not seek clarification, your mind will “fill in the blanks” based on what you want or expect to see or hear. Ask others what they mean, and give feedback in return, so you can agree on the meaning. This is real communication.

Always do your best. This is the action of the previous three. “Keep in mind your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next.” So regularly ask yourself, “Am I doing the best I can, right here, right now?” Keep trying. You’ll get there.